I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
