it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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