Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
