I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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