Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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