it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
