just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
