Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
