i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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