Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
