He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want a musical about memes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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