please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
