i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
