I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
