is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
