I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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