the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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