Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
