I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
