I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
