i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
