I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
