my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
