We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
