OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
