I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
