I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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