We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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