So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
