I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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