I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
