One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
