I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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