I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
