OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
