I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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