Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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