i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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