man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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