85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
