if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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