i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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