I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
