in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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