I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
