I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
