I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
