Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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