well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
