id be glad to
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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