whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
